Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Today. Today is the day that it all starts. This new phase. This independent phase; something I've been mentally preparing myself for for weeks and months and years. The trip out was fabulous: rain, sun, cold and warm. I sat in the stuffed backseat and simply watched Dexter (which I highly highly recommend.) We are in Tacoma as I write this. My dad was driving, my mom was freaking, and I was contemplating the similarities between freeway traffic and my own life. I'm moving so quickly in the direction of my future. As I careen down these 6 lanes of my life, there are a lot of exits, but I don't bother getting off. I just keep moving. I have to slam the brakes sometimes. I swear sometimes. I apologize sometimes, and sometimes I just don't give a crap whether I am completely in control or totally reckless. And as I go, I ask myself a few questions: Am I moving at a speed I can handle? Am I controlling this car, or is it controlling me? Should I slow down so I can see the scenery passing me by? Am I following some kind of compass or just my own instincts? Should I be following something besides why my own insides tell me? Where is this road taking me? Does it even matter as long as I get there?
Oh well...I probably would have let some of this stuff get to me before. But I'm making a conscious decision. Do what you want. I'm on to brighter things. Today.
Monday, August 18, 2008
The top one is a mor accurate picture of the colour, the bottom is better of the cut. I don't think I did half bad considering!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
In other news, my countdown is down to four days. Four ridiculously short days. I'm trying to get everything packed, but I have so much STUFF in my room that it is a difficult task. Luckily most of my clothes are packed; next shoes, then other stuff. I'm excited to go to Tacoma, to meet people, take classes, live on my own(ish)... but at the same time, I'm anxious about leaving my family (especially Harlee) and the home I have lived in all of my life.
The past week of my life, since I've returned from camp has been one of the happiest I've had in over a year. I just realized that so much pressure is gone after all the crap I've gone through this summer. I had an epiphany, and in my moment of total clarity, I realize that I won't miss a lot about great falls, and that a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can breathe again. And I also realized that I have done a lot of growing up this summer than I never would have been able to handle before. All I need is my family and solidarity in my individuality and I am set. I'm not going to find myself by blindly searching, so I'm going to have to create myself instead. And I'm happy with that. I'm happy with the pieces of my life that are falling together into a beautiful puzzle-scene.